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Catching up
Jul. 10th, 2003 10:58 pmWent to see a movie Monday... "Terminator 3." That's the first movie I've seen since my father passed away in April... the last movie I'd seen in-theater before that was "The Core." T3 was typical Terminator fare... lots of special effects, tons of stuff being blown up, violence galore... but I'll admit I was a bit surprised that James Cameron didn't direct this one. Then again, according to the Internet Movie Database, Linda Hamilton was married to James Cameron for a couple of years (1997-99), so perhaps her turning down an acting role in T3 led to his turning down the directing role too? [shrugs]
I've also made a preliminary decision regarding trips through at least the next summer... basically I don't plan on taking any unless it's work-related (for exercises or real-world deployments). And no, I'm not even going to speculate on whether I'll deploy, or where to. But this decision not to travel anywhere means I won't be going to any "furry" cons, such as Anthrocon (which I already wrote off back in April, when my dad passed away), ConiFur and even Further Confusion '04. FC 04 is still several months out, so it's possible my plans could change, but right now, it's NBL (not bloody likely). I may still be up for doing interisland trips, but I won't be going on any where I leave the state.
Why? Simple. I want to be easily reachable and accessible for my family during the remaining 11 months or so that I have here before I have to move.
This decision wasn't made lightly either... in fact, there were several factors I considered in deciding this:
- Personal morale/well-being. Others have said that I should allot some time for myself. I agree... instead of spending all my free time visiting my mom, I'm now visiting her every other day, as time permits. Of course, you could argue that a vacation away from home would allow me to relax, enjoy seeing friends, and so on. The flip side of that, however, is that I honestly believe that if I were to go on a trip, I wouldn't have as good a time as I could because I'd be spending all my time worrying about my mom.
- My conscience and/or my accountability to the rest of the family. This by far was the biggest factor I had to consider. Simply put, if I went on a leisure trip and my mom, say, got really bad or expired, I would always have the guilt of not having been there on my conscience. Not only that, I would also have to answer to the rest of the family, or at least I would always have that on my mind, whether or not I was forgiven. I don't want to have to even deal with the situation in the first place, and the best way to avoid it would be to simply not travel.
- Possible workarounds or compromises. Living in a state comprised of all islands unfortunately doesn't give me many options. To ease my conscience and still give myself the feeling that I can still travel, I'm willing to consider short interisland trips. The key here is that they're short. For the most part, I can also respond within two hours if necessary, although there's always the chance that something will come up after I miss the last flight out and can't get back until the next day, when it might be too late. I'd still have to deal with that, but being only an hour's flight away (at the most) is far better than being 5-6 hours away.
- Family needs and obligations. My parents raised me for 21 years before I finally left the nest, only to become partially dependent on them again around 1995, when I finished school and was job-hunting for 2 years before I joined the military. Now that my mom's alone, I owe it to her (and to myself) to take care of her, even if it means just dropping by the house several times a week. Not only that, I also owe it to both my sister and my brother to spend time with my mom. My sister and brother are married and have families, so their family obligations take higher priority. Me, guess what -- I'm single, so I have more free time than either of them. Proportionately, that means I should take more of the responsibility for taking care of my mom.
Yeah, I know I've been rambling. Chalk it up to the lateness of the hour (when your workday starts around 7 am-ish, 11:30 pm is late)... but I've had quite a bit on my mind I wanted to just get out and "on paper," so to speak.
In closing, there was one more thing I considered before deciding not to travel unless I have to... and that was, do I want to be miserable for the remaining year I have here because I can't travel and visit friends? Do I also want to deliberately miss out on chances to meet friends that I might otherwise never get to meet because of logistics (they don't have money, or time, or both, to visit)? To those questions, I pose this in response: Every decision has consequences; some are good, others are bad. But I've asked myself this... would I prefer to be miserable for a short time, or would I rather live with the knowledge that had something happened, that I could have at least been there instead of 6 hours away?
I would say I was extremely lucky that my dad passed away when he did. If it had happened while I was at Further Confusion in January, for example, I would have never forgiven myself. Never mind that it was pretty sudden. The fact would have been that I would not have been able to return home in time, to at least be with the family and -- most importantly -- my mom -- because I was out enjoying myself. Now had it happened when I was in Alabama, it would have of course been a different story, because that trip was something I had to do, not something I wanted to.
Okay, okay, enough rambling. Time to get to sleep!
I've also made a preliminary decision regarding trips through at least the next summer... basically I don't plan on taking any unless it's work-related (for exercises or real-world deployments). And no, I'm not even going to speculate on whether I'll deploy, or where to. But this decision not to travel anywhere means I won't be going to any "furry" cons, such as Anthrocon (which I already wrote off back in April, when my dad passed away), ConiFur and even Further Confusion '04. FC 04 is still several months out, so it's possible my plans could change, but right now, it's NBL (not bloody likely). I may still be up for doing interisland trips, but I won't be going on any where I leave the state.
Why? Simple. I want to be easily reachable and accessible for my family during the remaining 11 months or so that I have here before I have to move.
This decision wasn't made lightly either... in fact, there were several factors I considered in deciding this:
- Personal morale/well-being. Others have said that I should allot some time for myself. I agree... instead of spending all my free time visiting my mom, I'm now visiting her every other day, as time permits. Of course, you could argue that a vacation away from home would allow me to relax, enjoy seeing friends, and so on. The flip side of that, however, is that I honestly believe that if I were to go on a trip, I wouldn't have as good a time as I could because I'd be spending all my time worrying about my mom.
- My conscience and/or my accountability to the rest of the family. This by far was the biggest factor I had to consider. Simply put, if I went on a leisure trip and my mom, say, got really bad or expired, I would always have the guilt of not having been there on my conscience. Not only that, I would also have to answer to the rest of the family, or at least I would always have that on my mind, whether or not I was forgiven. I don't want to have to even deal with the situation in the first place, and the best way to avoid it would be to simply not travel.
- Possible workarounds or compromises. Living in a state comprised of all islands unfortunately doesn't give me many options. To ease my conscience and still give myself the feeling that I can still travel, I'm willing to consider short interisland trips. The key here is that they're short. For the most part, I can also respond within two hours if necessary, although there's always the chance that something will come up after I miss the last flight out and can't get back until the next day, when it might be too late. I'd still have to deal with that, but being only an hour's flight away (at the most) is far better than being 5-6 hours away.
- Family needs and obligations. My parents raised me for 21 years before I finally left the nest, only to become partially dependent on them again around 1995, when I finished school and was job-hunting for 2 years before I joined the military. Now that my mom's alone, I owe it to her (and to myself) to take care of her, even if it means just dropping by the house several times a week. Not only that, I also owe it to both my sister and my brother to spend time with my mom. My sister and brother are married and have families, so their family obligations take higher priority. Me, guess what -- I'm single, so I have more free time than either of them. Proportionately, that means I should take more of the responsibility for taking care of my mom.
Yeah, I know I've been rambling. Chalk it up to the lateness of the hour (when your workday starts around 7 am-ish, 11:30 pm is late)... but I've had quite a bit on my mind I wanted to just get out and "on paper," so to speak.
In closing, there was one more thing I considered before deciding not to travel unless I have to... and that was, do I want to be miserable for the remaining year I have here because I can't travel and visit friends? Do I also want to deliberately miss out on chances to meet friends that I might otherwise never get to meet because of logistics (they don't have money, or time, or both, to visit)? To those questions, I pose this in response: Every decision has consequences; some are good, others are bad. But I've asked myself this... would I prefer to be miserable for a short time, or would I rather live with the knowledge that had something happened, that I could have at least been there instead of 6 hours away?
I would say I was extremely lucky that my dad passed away when he did. If it had happened while I was at Further Confusion in January, for example, I would have never forgiven myself. Never mind that it was pretty sudden. The fact would have been that I would not have been able to return home in time, to at least be with the family and -- most importantly -- my mom -- because I was out enjoying myself. Now had it happened when I was in Alabama, it would have of course been a different story, because that trip was something I had to do, not something I wanted to.
Okay, okay, enough rambling. Time to get to sleep!
