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Oct. 17th, 2004 11:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wxkatI'm in somewhat of a variable mood tonight... there's no real way for me to pinpoint it, at least.
Earlier today I turned down an invite to go out with a couple of friends. It's something I would normally have clamored to do, but unfortunately it's not gonna happen -- at all -- while I'm back.
The reason is that now that I have my laptop, I'll be spending as much time as possible at the hospital visiting my mom. I think her spirit is rather strong, but her body is very weak and possibly growing weaker by the day. However, it isn't (yet) to the point where an overnight vigil is necessary.
I came back on emergency leave about a week ago to visit and help take care of my mom. Now that I've gotten most of the logistics for a humanitarian reassignment done, I can -- and believe I should -- focus the rest of my time back here on being with her.
I remember several months -- perhaps a year? -- ago when I jotted down what I considered my top priorities. Based on recent events, here are now my priorities:
1. Family.
2. Church.
3. Work.
4. Friends.
Work is sort of a non-issue right now, so being with friends has moved into slot 3. If I had to guess at the percentages of my waking hours I would devote to the above, I would say family should get 90% of that time, church 9% and friends less than 1%. If and/or when I head back up to the mainland (right now that'll be around the first of November), family would drop to 85%, church to 1% and work 13%. Friends would remain at 1% or less.
It's not that I don't value my friendships. I just have higher-priority items in my life right now.
Someone once told me to make sure I carve out some time for myself in my schedule. Personally, I would love to do that... it'd be easier if I could be in two places at once. Of course I can't, and to be honest, I would much rather live with the frustration and loneliness of not being around friends than with any guilt or regrets about not spending as much time with my mom as I could or should have.
Earlier today I turned down an invite to go out with a couple of friends. It's something I would normally have clamored to do, but unfortunately it's not gonna happen -- at all -- while I'm back.
The reason is that now that I have my laptop, I'll be spending as much time as possible at the hospital visiting my mom. I think her spirit is rather strong, but her body is very weak and possibly growing weaker by the day. However, it isn't (yet) to the point where an overnight vigil is necessary.
I came back on emergency leave about a week ago to visit and help take care of my mom. Now that I've gotten most of the logistics for a humanitarian reassignment done, I can -- and believe I should -- focus the rest of my time back here on being with her.
I remember several months -- perhaps a year? -- ago when I jotted down what I considered my top priorities. Based on recent events, here are now my priorities:
1. Family.
2. Church.
3. Work.
4. Friends.
Work is sort of a non-issue right now, so being with friends has moved into slot 3. If I had to guess at the percentages of my waking hours I would devote to the above, I would say family should get 90% of that time, church 9% and friends less than 1%. If and/or when I head back up to the mainland (right now that'll be around the first of November), family would drop to 85%, church to 1% and work 13%. Friends would remain at 1% or less.
It's not that I don't value my friendships. I just have higher-priority items in my life right now.
Someone once told me to make sure I carve out some time for myself in my schedule. Personally, I would love to do that... it'd be easier if I could be in two places at once. Of course I can't, and to be honest, I would much rather live with the frustration and loneliness of not being around friends than with any guilt or regrets about not spending as much time with my mom as I could or should have.
